A lot of people say to me various versions of "How is it you know everyone?!"
....and I think "I don't know everyone!". But I think I can understand where this illusion comes from. I have this...perhaps strange attitude towards the people around me. Once I've met someone and I'm told their name, so long as I remember, I will always say hello to them whenever I see them again. Which leads to the impression amongst my friends that I know these people as well as I know my friends.
Let's just clarify- I do not. I am simply continuing a previous acquaintance. They would be my friends, if I spent any time with them they might become my friends. I feel like I'm taking a step from polite acknowledgement of a casual acquaintance, to the friendly greeting of a friend of a friend, without actually being a friend of my own. If that makes sense.I love being able to walk into town, from my house or my uni flat (when I still lived there) and be able to stop and chat for a little bit with all sorts of people. It just makes my life a little more pleasant and interesting. Sometimes I even smile and say hello to strangers. Usually they smile and say hello back!
....Conversely however, I feel like I am so far away from a lot of people; a lot of people that I care about. And its really difficult to maintain a friendship to the same level as it had been/would be in person. And it makes me sad to think that perhaps I'm loosing those connections. I feel like I can't keep up with everyone that's so important to me as much as I want to. And that's not to say that I don't love these people anymore, or they're not as important as they used to be- it just means that I can't maintain something without... well, more input from the other side. But that means that we don't even have acquaintance status anymore, and they move dangerously close to the "used to know" or "knew back when (insert period of my life here"). But just because a part of my life is over, that doesn't mean that I want my friendships from that part to be over too. Because I value the people I love more than anything.
Sorry, I don't really have much more to say about this. I'm going to go and think about this for a while.
I'm not sure I've articulated this very well, but if you know what I mean or have had a similar experience, let me know i the comment section.
Tonight, this is me in the train station, rather aptly:
See you tomorrow
-Rosa
x
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