I've been working on this post for about a week to try and make sure that I get it exactly right. So here goes.
Let's not beat about the bush. I know why you're here, but in case some of you didn't know or hadn't guessed yet, I am bisexual. Shock, horror. No biggie.
But why haven't I said something before? Well a number of reasons.
1. Being bisexual may not be a biggie, but coming out feels like one. I'm totally fine with the reality that I'm attracted to men and women, but telling people this would require me to come out over and over again.
2. I'm lazy. Letting people assume that I was straight was easier than the repeated task of coming out.
3. I'm quite private about my sexuality. Until now that is- I felt today would be an appropriate day for coming out, what with it being national coming out day and all that jazz. I've kind of dropped the odd hint here and there, using gender neutral pronouns when talking about potential partners/relationships etc. or adding "or girlfriend" onto occasional sentences. I assumed some people might pick that up.
4. At the time I came out to myself, it had not been long since I has come out of a very abusive relationship, and I didn't want people to think that it was this that had "changed" me. I hadn't changed. Not like that anyway. I only talk to a select few about the details of what happened in that relationship, so if you don't already know, please don't ask me about it. Rest assured that I do have people I can talk to about it.
5. It shouldn't make a difference. It's my business and whoever I choose to be with; nobody else's.
6. I didn't want people to think this was a stepping stone to being gay. That's just not how it works and if you think it is, then you don't really understand humans very well.
7. Nobody ever actually asked me. So I don't feel like I've lied to anyone.
Some questions I have anticipated:
Q: does this mean you're attracted to everyone then?
A: no. If I was straight would you ask me if I was attracted to all men? Of course not. Talk about double standards!
Q: what about pansexuality?
A: I am not attracted to pans. In all seriousness though I did give that label a lot of thought but in the end decided that bisexual was more... Fitting for me.
Q: aren't you worried people will change their whole perception of you?
A: I'd like to say no, but I am. But I've decided to come out anyway. Any friends that decide this is worth ending a friendship over are not worth having as friends. If my family don't like it (this is probably the first they're hearing of it) then they're stuck with it. Can't imagine it's gonna be a problem with them though, they're all pretty cool people.
Q: what about work?
A: pur-lease. I work in a theatre. If there was a more welcoming/accepting place to be LGBT (and other letters to this ever extending acronym) then I'd like to see it! Not worried.
Q: do you prefer men or women?
A: I think you misunderstand the term "bisexual". I take it on a person by person basis.
Q: are you just doing this for attention?
A: Don't be so condescending. Really??
Q: are you serious?
A: yep. Given it lots of thought.
Q: how do you know you're bisexual?
A: you just do.
... So that's it! I'm telling you this because I trust you all not to put me in a box labelled "bisexual". I trust that you will leave me in the only box that matters- the one with my name on it. And to be honest I don't feel like I'm in a box. If you want to you can now go and shout from the rooftops "Rosa doesn't discriminate her attraction based on gender!" But you know what? I don't think it would bother anyone. Not one bit.
And if you STILL don't get it, have a look at these, and for goodness sake, educate yourself:
Today, this is me. Still me, the same as I was yesterday:
I had a really good day today, but as there is probably nothing happening tomorrow, I'll tell you about it then.
See you tomorrow!
-Rosa
x
p.s. to those of you whom this is not a complete revelation to, thank you for not keeping my confidence and allowing me to do this when I feel comfortable.
Lovely post girl, made me smile like your posts always do <3
ReplyDeleted'awww glad you like it :P Never seen my blog visit count shoot up so fast!
Delete